///Free Electroshock Therapy!///
Because this is a REAL CATTLE PROD there are some important training points in these electric healing arts:
1) VOLUNTEER PATIENTS ONLY
Don’t talk people into it, do not chase people down. We don’t want people leaving our camp wondering why they visited. Make it available and let people decide on their own. Soft sell. People are more intrigued by the offer than by the threat.
2) THERAPY
Take a moment to consider that this is something that your patient is putting weight into. This is not about shocking people, it’s about giving people an opportunity to be shocked. If they have a hang up, this could be useful, as funny and silly as it is. Let people assign this the meaning that they want to.
3) COMPASSION
If you’re a sadistic fuck then that’s fine, but please hand the cattle prod over to someone else and take delight vicariously. We don’t want people walking away from this experience feeling like they’ve been tricked into being hurt. If that’s what it’s about for you, please get your own cattle prod and do it away from camp.
4) SAFETY
No shocks to the genitals, or near the heart or head. Yes, it is a real cattle prod, but they use these on cows all the time and they’re fine. We’ve done hundreds of patients at this point and people are usually surprised that it’s real, but it’s harmless. Spritz their butts with a little water to make a nice contact. Make sure they have even footing on the ground, bending over is good in case they fall. Have the patient expose a butt cheek.
The ritual of the procedure is a part of the experience. If you have improvements then by all means go for it, but remember the safety aspect and that this is an interactive performance.
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5) LICENSED PRACTITIONERS ONLY
If you would like to administer shocks, you must first experience it, and every year you must be re-licensed. That’s the rule, so…
“Yes, this is a real cattle prod, and it really does hurt. If you’re high on anything it might sober you up a little, so keep that in mind. It may leave a mark but that will go away really quickly. You will feel like all the muscles in your ass all tightening up at the same time and then you will have an immediate sense of relief. I’ll be here to give you a hug and it will feel great. So, is there anything that’s been bothering you, maybe something you would like to let go of, a thought, some drama, a worry…? You don’t have to tell me what it is, but hold it in your mind. Now bend over, and pull down your pants to expose a butt cheek… I’m going to spray a little water on you… There… Now, would you like for me to count or do you want to be surprised? Okay, a count… I’m going to shock you on the count of 3, okay? On 3… 1, 2, TZZZZZT!”
Way back in 2004, Albert “Dapper” Dan Hamilton met a mendicant therapist traveling in the desert carrying a cattle prod. He told Dan that if he was willing, he would shock him, and it would hurt, and then he would get a great big hug and feel a whole lot better. Dan bent over and >ZAP!<
This prophet of electricity was absolutely correct.
The next year Dan returned with a church… and it was good.
And in the spirit of “if you build it, He will come”, that man returned.
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